It’s Wednesday – a little over 3 days since Koa went to sleep.  Each day has been easier for us but we’re still adjusting to his absence.  He was such a big part of our life and daily routine.  On Monday night, I was so touched by all the Facebook posts about him and to him.  At one point, everyone in my immediate family had changed their profile picture to include Koa. He was really loved by so many people and appreciate I how he was considered more than just a dog.  He was a family member.

It’s been weird waking up in the morning to complete silence.  I’ve become so accustomed to having the sound of his feet walking behind me as I go to the bathroom to get ready for work.  If the door was closed, he had the ability nudge it open so that he could join me.  He had a funny routine of “greeting” the tub and the toilet by walking up to each and scratching each of them a few times.

When I come home from work, I don’t have to leave the house anymore.  I had gotten pretty good with managing the stroller and the leash during our walks.  We’d also go to Safeway to pick up stuff for dinner and he’d have to be tied up in the lobby.  On Tuesday, Kumquat and I went to the store and on our way out, I automatically turned to go get him and he wasn’t there.  Even Kumquat was expecting to see him there and said “GoGo” as we were turning.  She seemed just as confused by his absence.

It’s easier to open the window in the bedroom now that I don’t have to climb over his bed.  Jes had the difficult task of throwing his stuff away and he kept just a few items: Fabian, his dog tags, the food bowls, and his Robin costume.  His box of toys in the corner is gone and so is his bed by the livingroom window.  I’m also finding less hair on the furniture and my clothes.

This morning, I made a ham sandwich for Kumquat and her normal routine with a sandwich was to give Koa half of the bread.  As I was cleaning up in the kitchen, I could hear her searching for him. She walked into the bedroom to look for him and when I said “GoGo’s not here.”  She nearly threw a fit.  It was the same reaction that she gives me when she asks for some milk or apple and I tell her that I don’t have any for her.

I guess it’s the little things that are bothering me now.  Feeding Kumquat and cooking in the kitchen reminds me of him because he was my trusty crumb and scrap collector.  When I was rummaging through the fridge, I found a bunch of carrots and thought, “Oh Koa will eat these.”  Oh wait, not anymore. There was a fly in the house this morning and Koa wasn’t there to hunt him down.  Did I mention that he had the ability to catch flies?

I miss him dearly and often have to keep myself from calling out to him when I get home or at night before I go to sleep.  I knew he was a big part of my life but everything I do at home reminds me of him.  Having the day off today was harder than I expected.  Driving is harder than usual too because there’s nothing to do but think about him.  Thankfully, Kumquat reminds me that “the show must go on” and that I have to keep living life.  Instead of hiding in bed all day, I’ve had to move on quickly to continue taking care of her, Jes, and the house. 

I miss my buddy.