We’ve got a little update on Koa.  This morning, the internal medicine vet had an ultrasound done on his kidneys and it didn’t show any cancer or physical damage.  They did another test on his blood and it only showed a slight improvement in his creatinine levels.  Last night it was around 9 and today it was 7.  Normal is around 1.5 but 5 is acceptable.  Hm.  We also learned that his urine has a high level of protein in it meaning that his kidneys are not filtering out protein as it should.

We visited Koa this afternoon and it was really hard on me.  I don’t know if it was because I was feeling selfish about wanting my time with Koa without having to watch Kumquat or if it was because I had to turn on my clinical brain and evaluate his behavior to determine whether it was worth keeping him around.  Regardless of what it was, it was really hard spending the 10 minutes (that felt like 30) in that room with him.  They have been pushing fluids around the clock and had to put in a catheter to closely monitor his urinary output.  We’re waiting for his urinalysis results to see if there’s any bacteria or white/red blood cells in it but we don’t have it yet.Kumquat was so sweet to give him a little snuggle and Jes was so sweet saying “hi buddy” and “you’re a good dog”.

I got so overwhelmed that I started to cry.  Somehow the dog sensed it and he walked over to me just like he used to when I was home alone during Jes’ North Carolina days.  That’s when the tears started to really flow and I just gave him the biggest, longest hug he’s ever gotten from me.  What do I do now?!  I’m trying to be objective here but he’s not the Koa I know.  Yes, he’s looking better than yesterday and yes, he will probably survive a little longer with a new diet, injections, and lower activity level expectations.  But is he suffering?  Is he going to have the same quality of life has he did before?  Am I just delaying the inevitable?  I don’t want to go through this again.

So he’s at the hospital for one more night and we brought him a toy to sleep with in the kennel tonight.  The doctor will run a blood test again in the morning and then we’ll have to really decide what to do.  Why does this have to be so hard?

So now I’m home and have decided that the only thing I can handle right now is a toddler on the couch watching her favorite Old MacDonald video with a container of pasta and broccoli while I drown my conflicted mind in boxed wine from Target.  Don’t judge.  This is all I’m capable of doing at the moment.  I’ll have another update tomorrow.