We took another family photo about 18 months later and I put them together to give us a comparison. Poor Koa is missing from the photo but we have a new little family member added to the mix! I’m having a really fun Thanksgiving weekend so far and it’s been so good to have the family in town this year for the holiday.
Here are some more portraits from today.
It’s Wednesday – a little over 3 days since Koa went to sleep. Each day has been easier for us but we’re still adjusting to his absence. He was such a big part of our life and daily routine. On Monday night, I was so touched by all the Facebook posts about him and to him. At one point, everyone in my immediate family had changed their profile picture to include Koa. He was really loved by so many people and appreciate I how he was considered more than just a dog. He was a family member.
It’s been weird waking up in the morning to complete silence. I’ve become so accustomed to having the sound of his feet walking behind me as I go to the bathroom to get ready for work. If the door was closed, he had the ability nudge it open so that he could join me. He had a funny routine of “greeting” the tub and the toilet by walking up to each and scratching each of them a few times.
When I come home from work, I don’t have to leave the house anymore. I had gotten pretty good with managing the stroller and the leash during our walks. We’d also go to Safeway to pick up stuff for dinner and he’d have to be tied up in the lobby. On Tuesday, Kumquat and I went to the store and on our way out, I automatically turned to go get him and he wasn’t there. Even Kumquat was expecting to see him there and said “GoGo” as we were turning. She seemed just as confused by his absence.
It’s easier to open the window in the bedroom now that I don’t have to climb over his bed. Jes had the difficult task of throwing his stuff away and he kept just a few items: Fabian, his dog tags, the food bowls, and his Robin costume. His box of toys in the corner is gone and so is his bed by the livingroom window. I’m also finding less hair on the furniture and my clothes.
This morning, I made a ham sandwich for Kumquat and her normal routine with a sandwich was to give Koa half of the bread. As I was cleaning up in the kitchen, I could hear her searching for him. She walked into the bedroom to look for him and when I said “GoGo’s not here.” She nearly threw a fit. It was the same reaction that she gives me when she asks for some milk or apple and I tell her that I don’t have any for her.
I guess it’s the little things that are bothering me now. Feeding Kumquat and cooking in the kitchen reminds me of him because he was my trusty crumb and scrap collector. When I was rummaging through the fridge, I found a bunch of carrots and thought, “Oh Koa will eat these.” Oh wait, not anymore. There was a fly in the house this morning and Koa wasn’t there to hunt him down. Did I mention that he had the ability to catch flies?
I miss him dearly and often have to keep myself from calling out to him when I get home or at night before I go to sleep. I knew he was a big part of my life but everything I do at home reminds me of him. Having the day off today was harder than I expected. Driving is harder than usual too because there’s nothing to do but think about him. Thankfully, Kumquat reminds me that “the show must go on” and that I have to keep living life. Instead of hiding in bed all day, I’ve had to move on quickly to continue taking care of her, Jes, and the house.
I miss my buddy.
This morning we called the vet to see how our pup was doing. The blood tests showed no change in his creatinine (still 7) and overnight, he did not pee.
We went to see him around 9:30 and found him not as bright as yesterday, with labored breathing, and this look of defeat in his eyes. After a thorough review of all his tests with the vet, we decided that the best thing for him was to let him go peacefully.
He still had the catheter in so we asked for that to be removed and I took him for a short walk outside for old times’ sake. He tried to put a little hop in his step but he was obviously struggling. He sniffed around but he didn’t try to pee. When we got across the street, he pooped himself and seemed quite surprised by it. When I took him toward the entrance to the hospital, he pulled back a little but once he got inside, he picked up the pace. 
We laid him down on a towel in the exam room and after one last goodbye, the vet came in with two syringes. One put him to a deep sleep and the other one stopped his breathing. It was quick, painless, and I could hardly tell that anything had happened until Jes said that he was dead. He looked so peaceful when we left him. I think this was the right decision but it still makes us sad.
He lived a full life of 9 1/2 years and it makes us feel little better knowing that. He was born on a ranch in Arroyo Grande in the company of his dad, mom, aunts, brothers, and sisters. He grew up in Irvine and then moved to San Francisco. He was such a good dog: gentle, independent, quiet, clean, and most of all very loyal. He comforted me and kept me company when Jes was commuting to North Carolina every week and greeted us at the door with such excitement every time we’d come home.
He quickly adjusted to city life and loved going to Fort Funston, Chrissy Field, and Tahoe.
He knew a few tricks including the standard sit, shake, and lie down and even today when I told him to “go neh-neh”, he went over to the towel to lie down.
If someone new came over to our house (even if it was just once), he’d remember that person for life and greet you out in the street. Otherwise, he would look away and pay no attention to any stranger passing by.
He loved babies and when Kumquat came home from the hospital, he was so curious and so protective of anyone holding her. Whenever she would make a sound, he’d run over to the crib to check on her.
He played on the floor with her when she was little and he tolerated all her crying and complaining.
They were instant buddies and Kumquat adored him. I think it was mutual.
He allowed her to pull his tail, pat him roughly on the head, poke him in the eye, and play with his kibble without a single sign of aggression.
When he was younger, he would run up to 5 miles with me, play fetch with his tennis ball, and play tug of war with anything. On the first day we brought him home, he pooped himself when he heard a car zooming nearby. Funny that that was what he did on his last day of life too.
He housetrained himself and the only time he had an accident in the house was when he was really sick and no one was home to take him out to poop. If we were home, he’d sit by the door and make a quiet whimper or he’d wake me up at 3 am with the same quiet whimper to make sure that Jes (aka Bossman) wouldn’t wake up.
He wasn’t much of a lap dog but he appreciated a good head, back, or belly scratch. His favorite spot was on his back just in front of his tail. It would make his squirm and rub himself up against your leg for more.
He loved baby carrots, pizza, and Indian food. Whenever he’d hear an egg crack in the kitchen, he’d come running even if he was sound asleep in the other room. I can still hear the belch that he would make after a long drink of water. I still wait for the clicking sound of his nails on the floor when we sit down to eat at the table. If you gave him a treat, he would gently take it from your fingers. He especially enjoyed getting baby carrots from Jack or Kumquat.
He hated water – especially baths. He had the most distinct “cry” when he’d get a bath. The rain bothered him but he tolerated it. He also hated being tied up outside of Safeway and Starbucks but he was always a good boy out there. Yes, he chewed up some of our things, scratched up the bottom of our sofa, shed twice a year, was a little stubborn, super cat-like, and was a little barky at some of the neighborhood dogs but all in all he was still the best dog we could have asked for. I’m sure we’ll find his hair everywhere in the house for many months and maybe years to come but I’m ok with that.
Here’s a video of how playful he was. He cracks me up sometimes.
His best friend was Fabian Fox and had a whole posse of stuffed buddies that he’s left behind.
Here’s a video of him with one of his first toys. What a cute little puppy he was!!!
If you’ve ever watched him for us, you’d know the drill about him and public places. The usual script would be: “Yes, he’s full grown.” “No he’s not a fox.” “He’s a shiba inu.” “You can try to pet him but he won’t let you.”
He loved to nap all day and preferred the couch when no one is home. He also enjoyed sitting by the window to watch the trees sway in the wind. When his water bowl was empty, he’d let you know by sitting right in front of you and staring or going over to the bowl and digging inside to make a noise. One time, he told me he needed water by looking at me, then his bowl, then the fridge, and then back at the bowl. Genius.
I could go on and on about him and I’m so thankful for having this blog for him. Maka Koa will always be a huge part of me and this family.
I’m so thankful that Kumquat was able to know him as GoGo. This afternoon, she saw his leash on the floor and went looking for him. It made me sad but also thankful that he had such an impact on her early childhood.
Dear Koa Bear,
Thank you for being the best dog ever. We love you and will never forget you. I hope that you are at peace now and have plenty of grass to sniff and oodles of things to pee on.
Say hello to Genie, Cookie, Pepsi, Doogie, Franny, Zooey, and Smush for us, k? They’ll show you around.
Love, The Girl, Bossman, and Kumquat
We’ve got a little update on Koa. This morning, the internal medicine vet had an ultrasound done on his kidneys and it didn’t show any cancer or physical damage. They did another test on his blood and it only showed a slight improvement in his creatinine levels. Last night it was around 9 and today it was 7. Normal is around 1.5 but 5 is acceptable. Hm. We also learned that his urine has a high level of protein in it meaning that his kidneys are not filtering out protein as it should.
We visited Koa this afternoon and it was really hard on me. I don’t know if it was because I was feeling selfish about wanting my time with Koa without having to watch Kumquat or if it was because I had to turn on my clinical brain and evaluate his behavior to determine whether it was worth keeping him around. Regardless of what it was, it was really hard spending the 10 minutes (that felt like 30) in that room with him. They have been pushing fluids around the clock and had to put in a catheter to closely monitor his urinary output. We’re waiting for his urinalysis results to see if there’s any bacteria or white/red blood cells in it but we don’t have it yet.
Kumquat was so sweet to give him a little snuggle and Jes was so sweet saying “hi buddy” and “you’re a good dog”.
I got so overwhelmed that I started to cry. Somehow the dog sensed it and he walked over to me just like he used to when I was home alone during Jes’ North Carolina days. That’s when the tears started to really flow and I just gave him the biggest, longest hug he’s ever gotten from me. What do I do now?! I’m trying to be objective here but he’s not the Koa I know. Yes, he’s looking better than yesterday and yes, he will probably survive a little longer with a new diet, injections, and lower activity level expectations. But is he suffering? Is he going to have the same quality of life has he did before? Am I just delaying the inevitable? I don’t want to go through this again.
So he’s at the hospital for one more night and we brought him a toy to sleep with in the kennel tonight. The doctor will run a blood test again in the morning and then we’ll have to really decide what to do. Why does this have to be so hard?
So now I’m home and have decided that the only thing I can handle right now is a toddler on the couch watching her favorite Old MacDonald video with a container of pasta and broccoli while I drown my conflicted mind in boxed wine from Target. Don’t judge. This is all I’m capable of doing at the moment. I’ll have another update tomorrow.
This evening when I got home, Koa wasn’t looking any better so we took him to the Emergency Vet Clinic.
He was still really lethargic and Jes had to pick him up to put him in the car.
The tech took his vitals and brought him back to hang out with us in the waiting room. He had lost 4 pounds since his check-up last month.
This is Koa in the exam room. He’s usually a nervous wreck at the vet but not tonight. He just laid himself down on the floor until it was time for us to put him up on the table. The vet did his physical exam and said that he’d have to run some tests and would have a preliminary answer for us in about an hour. So, we went to dinner and hoped for the best. He called while we were still eating and said that everything came back normal with the exception of his kidneys. He was having renal failure. He may have a genetic condition or he could have eaten something that was poisonous for him. They don’t really know yet. By the time we got back to the vet, they had placed an IV in his paw and they were giving him a bolus of fluids and some antibiotics.
They let us in the back where he was resting in a kennel with his right paw hooked up to a bunch of tubes. He looked so scared but didn’t have enough strength to even come out. We decided to have him stay overnight for the fluids to run and for another lab test in the morning. If the test comes back with improved numbers, they may do an ultrasound tomorrow. I hope he’ll be ok soon. I hate to do it but I’m gonna have to prepare myself for the worst. Too bad I have to work tomorrow morning. Then again, maybe it’ll help me keep my mind off of things while we’re still waiting to see what’s going to happen to him. Poor Koa.
For the past few months, Koa has been throwing up pretty frequently. Sometimes it’s just a clear mucous and other times it’s his entire bowl of kibble. When we took him to the vet last month, she said it was normal and that he might benefit from Pepcid once a day. She also said that he could have an allergy to something in his food. So, this past weekend, I started him on Pepcid every morning and also bought him a new kind of kibble. As the days went on, he wasn’t throwing up anymore but he also became super lethargic. I mean, he’s already a really lazy dog that sleeps all day but when I took him out to walk, he would pee all of it at once (abnormal for a guy that usually pees on every vertical surface down the street) and then sit down and pull back toward the house. It’s been going on for about 4 days now and we’re getting increasingly worried. I called the vet yesterday and she said to just stop the Pepcid and monitor him for any improvements. So far we haven’t seen much change. It’s a bummer to see that he no longer has a hop to his step and suddenly wants to just sleep all day. He hardly eats but he drinks lots of water. He’s still pooping but it’s kinda squishy. I know this is a pretty gross blog post but I thought I’d just tell everyone that’s he’s not doing so well. Hopefully it will all pass like a bad cold and he’ll be back to his old self in a few more days. Here’s a video of him on our walk this morning.
We only got to the perimeter of our building before he wanted to head back home. For anyone of you who have walked him, this is NOT normal for him. Poor doggie.
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