Browse Category: chuckle

No Human Food

On Thursday night we had some roasted chicken, brown rice, and some steamed veggies. I must say it was rather tasty for a potentially cardboard/styrofoam-tasting dinner. Afterwards, I thought I’d give the dog a little treat and gave him a few pieces of chicken breast and mixed in some brown rice. He gobbled it up along with the kibble that was underneath it. The next morning, I got up, walked the dog, and went to work as I usually do.

At around 11:30 in the morning, I got a call on my work phone from a flustered and frustrated guy on the other end. It was the husband and he was not happy. All I heard was “I need your help. There’s shit everywhere.” I thought, “Uh oh…what happened?” As I drove home, I was hoping that he was just exaggerating as he sometimes does but I was sooo wrong.

There was a very unpleasant odor coming from upstairs and the bathroom fan was on. Jes had left to get a Rug Doctor so I inspected the house. There was a pile on the floor in the guest bathroom (half on the bamboo floor and half on the rug). There was nothing in the guest bedroom and nothing in our bedroom. So far so good. Then I looked in the office and it looked like a brown slime monster had a party and then exploded in that room. I counted FIVE huge splatters of crap on the carpet. Some of it got on my Crumpler bag and some got on the closet door. It was disgusting. I quickly put on some gloves and cleaned up what I could with a roll of paper towels. When Jes came back, he steam cleaned the spots and it was all good again. The smell even went away once the carpet dried. Thank goodness for StainMaster carpet!!

I hurried back to work to finish up my appointments and all was better. When I got home, I found Jes in the livingroom with his laptop with a funny look on his face. He was clearly traumatized from the whole experience. I laughed and asked why he was still so worked up about it but he didn’t think it was very funny. I guess his side of the story was a little too traumatic.

Here’s what happened: He got up, brushed his teeth, and went to the office to check his email as he always does. A couple seconds after sitting down, he noticed a horrible smell. He looked around and found that he was surrounded by crap. After cleaning up the whole mess, he moved his laptop downstairs and got back to work. A few seconds after settling in, he again smelled something horrible. He looked around and found one more pile in the corner next to him! It was like the Easter Egg Hunt from hell! So I can see why he didn’t think this was as funny as I thought it was.

At the end of the day, I re-learned two things that I already knew:

1) Don’t give dogs human food. I actually knew that and have actually been pretty good about it ever since he was a pup. I just didn’t think that ordinary brown rice with no seasoning and chicken meat with no sauce or seasonings would hurt him. *sigh* Yes, I’m an idiot. Poor dog probably got most of the punishment while it was my fault all along.

2) Buy stain-resistant carpet. We purposely did for this reason but didn’t think we’d actually need it this bad.

THE END

Mmm…penguin.

Lisa_the_Vegetarian.jpg

If you watch The Simpsons, you must know that Lisa Simpson is a vegetarian. She is also the brainy one of the Simpson clan and now there’s research linking intelligence to vegetarianism later in life. According to this study, “those who were vegetarian by 30 had recorded five IQ points more on average at the age of 10.” What does it mean if you’re 8 (as Lisa is), smart, and already a vegetarian? Does that make you SUPER SMART? Uh…I’m all for research and I’ll support anyone who chooses to avoid meat. Heck, I love my tofu and noodles but seriously, this study sounds a little like a bunch of vegetarians trying to make themselves appear smarter. I need a little more substance in a study before I can link one thing to another. Until then, I say we continue to eat the magical animal. We all know that a good slice of bacon beats a veggie burger any day. Mmmm…penguin.

And now a quote from one of my favorite episodes:

Lisa: No, I can’t! I can’t eat any of them!
Homer: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Lisa, honey, are you saying you’re never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: [chuckles] Yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Hahahahahaha…*sigh* it still makes me laugh.

You know you’re a WoW Widow when…

  • you know where all the WiFi spots are in Hawaii
  • you’re planning your day without him
  • you make dinner just quick enough for him to take a break before his next raid
  • you sleep diagonally on the queen-sized bed
  • you’re awoken at about 3 am by someone shoving you over back to your side of the bed
  • you’ve run out of TiVo programming
  • you can have a bridal shower in your home with most of the guests not knowing that your husband was home the whole time
  • your dog no longer responds to his call
  • your neighbors think he’s commuting across the country again
  • the trash doesn’t get taken out on Thursday nights
  • your chair cushions are flattened
  • you go on shopping sprees without a second thought
  • you consider playing SimCity again
Maybe I should consider buying this.

Get gored!

buffalo.jpgSunday (07.02.06)
When we arrived at the park the day before, we were warned not to approach the wildlife for risk of getting gored by a buffalo or mauled by a bear. We joked all day about the dumb tourists who would approach a huge buffalo only 50 feet away. Why would you want to be THAT guy if you were to be charged by one of those humungous beasts. Well, we stopped at the mud volcano area where I tried to set up for a picture of the stinky springs. Little did I know that there was a buffalo walking along the sidewalk just about 10 feet away from me. All I heard was someone say, “Lady, move out of the way.” At first, I thought, “How rude. Am I in the way of your precious photo?” Well, I looked to my left and saw a big brown beast walking towards me. I quickly snapped a photo and walked the other way. Jes was up the boardwalk, desperately waving me over. I picked up the pace thinking that he was just being paranoid. Well, I turned around and there was Vyl behind me and then Mr. Buffalo RIGHT BEHIND HER charging in our direction! We ran in all directions and then eventually back to the minivan. I can’t believe Vyl almost got gored in the arse after we were just making fun of the FOBs down the street. Later that day, we spoke with a Park Ranger who said that the buffalo was playin’ with us and just wanted us to get out of his way. Uh…ok. So, here are some lessons we learned today: if a buffalo charges, run. If a bear is in your area, make a lot of noise and don’t run.
abysspool.jpgThis was basically our “see all you can day”. We started by visiting the Upper and Lower Falls along with the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. Next stops were the mud pots and then the mud volcano area (that we ended up not seeing). After lunch, we visited the West Thumb Basin and Old Faithful. It was a very throrough day and it seemed like all the geysers and steaming holes in the ground were starting to look the same. We were pooped by the time we got back to the campsite and oh yeah, it also poured that night. It’s a good thing we put up the refugee tarp!

I’d like to file a complaint.

For those who have been to my house or know my husband, we have a house filled with gadgets, gizmos, and random hard drives and do-hickeys lying around the house. Let’s just say my “Network Administrator” may need to be fired. Here are several examples:

When my dad comes over and wants to watch tv he sits on the couch with a puzzled look on his face. Why? Well, it’s because we have 4 remote controllers sitting in a glass vase like a bouquet of buttons to push. Well, it usually takes holding down one particular button to get the tv/cable to turn on. But, if you don’t live here you would never know that.

Most people have speakers or something that they can plug their iPod into so they can enjoy their music at home. We have something like that…sort of. It usually involves turning on my laptop, connecting to the network, using some random url that changes frequently, and learning a new “iTunes-type” program to play my favorite songs. *sigh* Just two minutes ago, I was happily listening to the Black Eyed Peas to find it cut off abruptly. I look over at the Admin and he says, “the network will be down momentarily for rebooting”. Once again…*sigh*. Oh yeah, did I mention that I would also need to find the special button among the bouquet of remotes to switch the input on the dvd player so I can hear my music? Yes…another step.

Anyone have a printer that’s connected to their computer at home? Well, we have three printers upstairs in our “library”. One of them usually works. The other two? Questionable. It depends on whether the network is working properly or if the server is turned on or not. I admit that it’s pretty cool when everything is working but that’s been pretty sketchy lately.

Ever been to my house on a lazy Sunday afternoon? You’ll find me digging in the backyard or doing some laundry and the Admin comfortably seated on the couch hacking away. We sort of have a “fun with compiling” song and dance now. I don’t really understand Linux but apparently it takes a bit of trial and error and lots of compiling for it to all work. If my Admin ever gets up to do something productive in the house (i.e. take out the trash or walk the dog), it means his laptop is running a long string of letters and numbers that I don’t understand and he’s just looking for a way to kill time. Interesting.

Oh what fun it is to live in the “Futuristic Gadget House of Tomorow”. I need a new Admin.

“It’s just a little [old]…

It’s still good! It’s still good!” -Homer J. Simpson

We bought some pineapple coconut ice cream back when we first moved into our house in September 03. We never opened it and thought it would be a good idea for Jesse to try it. Notice the date on the bottom? It says Septmeber 9th…2004! Eh. It was sealed this whole time in the freezer. How bad could it be?

Looks ok…color is good, smell is good. Let’s try it.

Hey, he’s already eaten at least 5 bites of it and no rumblies in the tummy yet! In fact, I think he’s enjoying it!

We’ll see how he feels in the morning. Back to the freezer the ice cream will go!