Today is my last day of maternity leave.  It’s been a good run.  I’ve been off work since June 27 so it’s been almost 7 months – the longest period of time that I’ve ever not worked.  Unfortunately, a lot of it is quite a blur.  Sleep deprivation has had a lot to do with it but it’s also because raising two small children is a lot more work and chaos than I imagined.

A part of me is relieved to be going back to work.  I don’t know why because the work sounds hard and not as fun anymore.  Likely it’s because I miss seeing my friends.  I’ve missed our day-to-day antics and sometimes a weekly text message just doesn’t cut it. I’m thankful that I work at a place where the people miss me. I’m also looking forward to the additional income.  We’ve been doing fine while I’ve been off but it will be nice to have that little extra money to save and use for what we need or want.

A bigger part of me is very sad for more obvious reasons. I’ll really miss my baby boy.  But now that he’s turning 6 months in 10 days, I suppose it’s time for him to explore the world without me around.  He’s a social little guy and will love being taken around to the park, the library, and wherever else Mirian decides to go.  He’ll also learn Spanish and play with other kids. I went out quite a bit these past months but not to the same extent.  He’ll also get more attention since her time will be devoted to him and not to the laundry or dishes.

I’ve also had some quality time with my first born.  I admit, we’ve had some rough times but it’s been worthwhile. She’s become more independent, strong-willed, and opinionated (aka 3 years old) and I have had less energy, less patience, and less time for her.  It was nice to have had that full month with her before Peanut was born but I just wished I wasn’t 8 months pregnant.  All she wanted to was for me to run with her outside or play with her on the floor.  Both were very hard at that point in my pregnancy. It was nice to be able to walk her to school, pick her up, and just be there when she needed a little extra time to warm up. I’m also so thankful that the addition of a little brother has been positive for her and that she has completely embraced her role as a big sister.

One of the advantages of being off was that I was able to travel more frequently and for longer periods of time.  We were able to take a long weekend in Napa, go to Vancouver for a week, spend a week in Cerritos, play in Hawaii for a week, and then stay in Southern California for 10 days for the holidays.  I never felt rushed to head home and I didn’t have the same sense of anxiety that I normally do when I know I have to return to work the next day.  All these trips were so memorable and gave us some needed time as a family of 4 and with our extended family as well.

I suppose I’m ready to embark on this next stage.  It’s back to full-time work and hopefully I’ll find a way to balance family and work in a way that doesn’t drive me insane.  Wish me luck!