Kumquat woke up hungry and crying at 4:30 am this morning so I fed her and tried to put her back to sleep.  Ten minutes later she started to cry again and Jes got up to wrap her back up and placed her next to me in bed.  It was nice.  She was all bundled up and happy and I got to snuggle her while she was wide awake.  I think I fell back asleep before she did.

At 6 am, my alarm went off and I snoozed.  When I woke up again and looked at the clock it said 7:28!  What?! That’s the time I was supposed to leave!  After scurrying into the bathroom to brush my teeth and change, I went back into the bedroom and saw Jes’ clock that said 6:34.  WUH? Apparently my clock was playing an evil trick on me.  So I had plenty of time after all.

At 6:55, I sat on the bed watching Kumquat sleep.  She looked so peaceful but I knew that I had to feed her at 7 before leaving for work.  She actually slept through the whole feeding and I was able to place her back on the bed without a single squeak from her.  When I kissed her goodbye for the day, I got a bit choked up.  However, I think having her asleep made it a little easier than if she was smiling or crying.

So I left.  I was on the Bay Bridge driving to work when my eyes started to well up in tears and I had my moment.  I was a mess but got myself back together by the time I pulled up to the parking structure at work.  When I arrived at the hospital it was a bit surreal.  Had four and a half months already gone by?  Sheesh.

After stopping at Employee Health to get my annual TB test, I walked into the gym and found a box on tissues on my desk.  Aw.  How thoughtful.  I was greeted by Teresa and Stephanie and they did their best to greet me without making me cry.  Of course I did anyway.  Those tissues sure did come in handy!  After a greasy bacon and egg sammich and some lighter conversation with my buddies, I checked in with my manager and suddenly got tearful again.  My manager actually got tearful with me too.  Aw shucks.  Once I got hand-off from the therapist that was covering for me, I was off to the races with a full caseload!

Once I got started with my day, I was feeling much better.  My mom sent me a photo of Kumquat doing her morning Tummy Time and I got updates on my BabyConnect app each time Kumquat pooped, ate, or slept.  Both were very reassuring.  Sounded like things went smoothly on Jes’ first day as Mr. Mom (with a little help from my mom).

Pumping at lunch was a little awkward but it was just me being self-conscious.  Working at a hospital is one of the best places to have to do this since 1) everyone around me is so knowledgeable/helpful, 2) we have hospital-grade pumps available for me to use, and 3) all of our past “new moms” have done this and one even gave me her “Do Not Disturb” sign to use on the door of one of our clinic rooms.

By the end of the day, I lost count of how many welcome-back hugs and greetings I received.  I was also back in the groove of things and surprised that my clinical skills had come back so quickly.  Before I left, my co-workers even congratulated me on a job well done on my first day back. I guess if I had to return to a job, this was one of the best situations I could have hoped for.

When I got home, Jes was out on a walk with Kumquat.  When they came home, I said “hello” to Kumquat and she gave me a big smile.  Aaaah…that just made my heart melt.  After showering all the hospital off of me, I got to spend the next 3 hours playing with my little lady until bedtime and it was plenty.  I guess everything is going to be just fine.  Jes will be ok, Kumquat will be ok, and I’ll be ok.